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04/01/2021 |

TrendSpider Announces the All-New 100% Accurate HAMPA Indicator

Chicago, IL —

Today we are extremely excited to announce a groundbreaking development that will change the way you trade forever!

Introducing … the all-new HAMPA Indicator System, a trading indicator that provides absolutely reliable, foolproof, and 100% accurate buy and sell signals by analyzing high esoteric data typically not utilized by investors.

The new HAMPA indicator, which stands for Horoscopic Astrological Moon Phase Analysis, is now available to all subscribers for an additional fee of just $99 per month. The revolutionary new trading system analyzes the phases of the moon in relation to the astrological calendar oscillated against and weighted by the horoscopes printed in the Chicago Tribune every Sunday.

$TSLA chart with TrendSpider's all-new 100% accurate HAMPA Indicator.

After years of testing and analyzing, we have built a proprietary algorithm that leverages this data powered by an advanced machine learning algorithm inside of a neural network on a CRANE supercomputer. The use of Horoscopic Astrological Moon Phase Analysis allows TrendSpider users to accurately and predictably ascertain the direction of any stock or commodity within 3-5 microseconds.

Pepe Silvia meme from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

“This new technology will enable all traders to beat the market 100% of the time without doing any actual work,” stated Ruslan Lagutin, TrendSpider’s CTO. “This technology bodes well with our mission of making technical analysis more efficient for traders everywhere.”

We hope you enjoy this groundbreaking innovation Happy April 1st!

Spinning astrology wheel.